Throwing water up in the air to feed the birds…Again

 You know the person in you that dresses up for doctor’s appointments, until you realize that’s actually hurting you because you “look fine”? I forget the actual terminology doctors put in charts, but it seems to be doctor code for … not sure what this person thinks they have but to me they look A-Okay. Anyway, that person in me was going to just post my latest watercolors with a short, but sweet message, and leave it at that, but then I realized I’m not alone here and it may help others to know they aren’t alone too. So, I’m going to be honest. The truth is my head is spinning because I’m applying for disability … A-freaking-gin. Third time is a charm? The first time I applied through Social Security was only a year out, and what I’m learning is that so much more has happened, and I have had to document it all, all the new doctors, tests, medications. I’m telling you, well-people, who will hopefully never be on this journey, it’s an insane amount of detail and when you’re ill, it’s taxing to your already fragile health. The application wants what feels like everything from a person, me, who can’t remember their last thought, let alone the date of a doctor’s appointment four years ago (thank goodness I kept wall calendars). So, I’ve been plugging away at it every day. It took me three days just to enter all the health care professionals who have seen me for my illness, four years’ worth. But they don’t just want names, they also want addresses, phone numbers, dates seen, what they saw you for, diagnosed you with, treated you for, tests they ran and medications they put you on. I get it, but when you’ve done this several times it just feels like you’re throwing water up in the air to feed the birds. It might help, it probably won’t. Regardless, I warrior on!💪

So, I guess my blog this week has turned into an all-about-me vent session (unless you can relate, and I really hope you can’t) and I appreciate you reading through. I know you could be literally doing a million other things, so thanks for the ear/shoulder/eyes/what have you. Hoping your week has been and will continue to be a peaceful, easy one.

One last thing before my brain literally short circuits 😳 I’ve learned that my favorite time of year to doodle and watercolor is the winter holiday season. Y’all it’s been so fun!!




41 thoughts on “Throwing water up in the air to feed the birds…Again

  1. I have almost always managed at the least a quick shower and clean clothes for drs visits. I have gone in pajamas and scrubs a lot. I think a few er visits I went as I was at the time. The only thing I care about going to a dr is being clean and in clean clothes. I then change into different clothes again when home. To me, its about germ control both ways.
    Re: Disability. I understand. I am going to hearing in February. I’m still gathering documents. Get an attorney. Be sure to tell them you require phone conferences because of the nature of your illness.
    I hope I can financially survive until my hearing!
    Best wishes
    xo ☀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have my dr sweatsuit. 😁It’s from the Gap, not fancy but comfy and basic. This year I decided to just go as I am and they started taking me a little more seriously, well that and my labs have way too much red on them these days.

      Great advice! I had an attorney last time. Lost at the court hearing so I’m literally starting over again from scratch. I guess the good news is I have an idea of what docs are needed this time around. But I’m zero percent confident because I literally meet every single qualification of the social security requirements for CFS, and still denied, with multiple drs letters. It’s a scam I think. They push you off until your work credits expire so then they only have to pay minimum amount. Still trying though.💪 Hoping today is best as can be for you🌻

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you! I didn’t know that was an option. My last attorney told me to wait until I’m approved to file a complaint, so I don’t ruffle any feathers I guess? I’ll check that out though! My hearing was unfathomable. The judge didn’t ask me one question about my health, daily life, or disability. It was a joke. Hopefully someone can go back and listen to it someday and see what an absolute fraud he was. Grrr Deep breaths 🧘‍♀️😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It can be reversed and put back into that stage or reversed into your favor.
        Congressional support is not necessarily for complaints only, its support to help you through an arduous process. Everyone should be in touch with the representative in Congress. It also helps ME because they become more aware of our illness.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, God. I remember the initial application for my sibling and now the annual renewals of benefits. Evernote’s a godsend. I just snap pics of all medical release papers, directives, lab results, receipts etc. I even snap pics of doctors’ cards just because of that “what’s their address” thing. Like, when someone is in the ER four times in two months, no way I’d remember ever person who saw him otherwise, but stupid SSI will want that report to make sure he remains disabled. Blargh. Good luck. Totally a subject worth venting about. I feel your pain.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ll have to check into Evernote. I’d heard of it before. There’s got to be a better way of doing this. Part of it, imo, is that they’re so shady they make you do all this somehow to fail you. It’s like if we gather enough eventually something is going to be wrong. Can’t control the drs offices. Thank you for your compassion, it’s not how I’d choose to spend my time. Hoping you’re staying warm! I heard there’s a cold snap coming.


  3. Oh Mishka, I’m so sorry this is so difficult. I know the SSA has a job to do, and they have to make sure each person has a legitimate need, but it seems the burden of proof is almost excessive, doesn’t it? Wishing you much success with getting it to go through this time. Hang in there, and don’t forget — you ARE a warrior! As always, I love your watercolors. You’re so talented! Sending hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So true, we put on our best “I’m okay!” costumes for the world to see, because society expects us to, and then it’s so easy to think everyone is okay. 😦
    I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time, and I hope the rest of the application process goes smoothly.

    Those are beautiful watercolors, by the way! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I didn’t actually read anything in your blog post as I am too tired to read much these days but I love to scroll down and see your paintings. If only my hands weren’t so weak and I could paint as often as you do. I love the Winnie the poo one with the quote, I love Winnie the Poo and the elf, snowman and the cane cane heart. They are such creative ideas. You are all ready for Christmas. Can I include some of your artworks in my blogger art awards next year?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. AllheART will be starting up a Christmas card drive next year too similar to the one on The Mighty but in Australia and I’d love for you to send me a few of your holiday artworks to feature on the cards I will deliver to hospitals.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes it’s summer in Australia and it’s boiling hot. It was 38 degrees yesterday! If I manage to organise the Christmas card drive next year I would like to recognise people who send me artworks for the cards though so you should sign them then.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I hear you Mishka re our invincible illnesses & the statement “you look well today”!

    I remember when my late husband was in hospital after just having brain surgery, his friend came to visit & said the same statement! My husband had a shaved head with a huge cut & 38 metal staples in it!

    Such cute watercolors! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s meant as a compliment. It seems sick people make a lot of well-people uncomfortable. I think it’s fear settling in because nobody wants to be sick or have it in their face. It’s not until you’re sick that it doesn’t feel nice anymore and that’s not something you’d otherwise know. I’m sorry your late husband and you went through what you did. And thank you for the compliment.🌺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I agree Mishka, people are very uncomfortable with disease (I suppose that’s why its been called dis ease) & chronic health sufferers, they don’t know what to do with us…& yes I agree I believe people mean the statement as a source of encouragement…definitely 😀
        I wasn’t upset by the comment & apologies if I gave that impression in my previous comment but rather found it interesting how others react to serious health situations (including myself 😉 ).
        Thank you for your kind words…

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I went with Allsup. They handled just about everything and all I had to do was talk to them on the phone. Amazing because I was just too sick to deal with any of that. I feel sorry for anyone who talked to me during the time I was going through the waiting because I was constantly crying. You have to be superhuman to get all the info and documentation they ask for, especially with deadlines! Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

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