A Look Ahead, A Look Back, and A Look At Today

Well, 2019, let’s do this! As I mentioned last week, my goals will basically be the same this year as last. Namely, continuing to do ‘bed yoga’ as my body will allow (even if that just means laying there and simply breathing with the guided audio), trying to practice mediation more regularly (this one is the biggest challenge as far as consistency), continuing to paint and blog, and lastly, but equally as important, continuing to not worry about proving my illness to anyone. That last one may sound weird, unless you’ve walked in the ‘invisible illness’ shoes, then it’ll make perfect sense.

Can I just say that trying to prove to people that you are ill, when you are the kind of person who has always tried to put your best foot forward is challenging at best? Last year I added a wheelchair to my life. It allowed me to go to doctor’s appointments I wouldn’t have stood an iota of a chance at keeping. It also allowed doctors to see me on some of my worst days, which ended up helping with not having to prove my ridiculously long list of symptoms to them. Additionally, it allowed me to get out of the house a couple of times and get some fresh air around actual people (yay!) when there’s no way that would have otherwise happened. So it’s been a great addition. The wheelchair is probably the most basic one made, bells and whistles it does not have 😊, but it has a seat and wheels and that’s all that’s needed right now. Someday I hope to buy a motorized one, but disability will need to come through for that to happen.

Speaking of disability, I’ve refiled for the honestly-I-don’t-even-know-how-many-times now. We shall see. All you can do is be honest, give them everything they ask and hope you get someone on the other side with an ounce of compassion. So far, every response received from that agency has been riddled with untruths, but that’s of no surprise because literally nearly everyone has that exact same experience. No matter what decision they come to, you can be sure there will be an upcoming post about it here.

December was filled with tests and doctor’s appointments for me. It was too much, too many. I’m still trying to get back to baseline. Nearly every test I had came back positive for something, well still waiting on EEG results appointment, but based on online chart it too showed something. These were a variety of specialist, so my body, just as I had suspected, is tired and it’s taking its toll in many directions. This year I plan to ramp up on my self-care even more to try to hold off anymore diagnoses as best as possible. I think I’m up to 10 or something now. I had only one (back in July of 2014) the day before I got sick with MECFS and that was fibromyalgia. Maybe I’m alone in this one, but I feel like so many of these appointments take a little piece of me that I won’t get back. It’s like being in a dysfunctional relationship but you must keep going back because you just must. And you know it. And you prepare for it. But they always say that one thing that gets you and leaves you twisting in the wind.

Just for the record, today’s blog was going to be a post with actual content or maybe provide new information on something you weren’t familiar with but then the following happened… Last Thursday night my best friend, my 10-year-old German Shepherd (If you’ve had a shepherd you won’t find it odd that I called him my best friend.), decided to race up the stairs. He doesn’t do this, ever, anymore, but he did. Friday he could barely walk, Saturday was the same, and Sunday too. Monday his front leg gave out, which honestly broke my heart into a million pieces. He was so scared, and I was scared, and we had no idea what to do so we just laid on the floor terrified.

Thank goodness for google as I happened upon a site that showed how to turn a tote bag into a harness to transport a large breed dog. Basically, you cut down the sides, wrap it around them and use the handles to carry them. We did this and were thankfully able to get him down the stairs. Last night since he can’t take the stairs at all right now I slept by his side on the couch. This morning we went to the vet. She suspects osteoarthritis (also my most recent diagnoses) and a torn ACL in his knee (no, no, no ☹). So, he, like me, was prescribed Gabapentin and an anti-inflammatory. We have spent the day resting, much like every day for me. A couple hours after he took the meds this morning, I saw his body relax, he stretched out and fell into a deep sleep. It was good to see him finally relax, actually it was great. She wants him to rest for at least two weeks before we make any decisions on the ACL. After much research online, it seems like the knee could heal around the tear so that’s what I’m hoping for. I know he’s 10, I know shepherds live 10-12 years but as I told you above he’s my best friend.

So that’s where I am today, that and my big orange tabby kitty (think Garfield) took my sleeping on the couch as an open invitation to cuddle throughout the night. Can I just say, it’s a good thing he’s single? He snores like a freight train and he’s a major bed hog!

Thank you for stopping in and taking a peak into my world. I think this is going to be a better year for so many of us, I really do. There’s always an element of ‘it is what you make it’, but hopefully it’ll be a little easier to make it a good one. If you’ve had a pet recover from an ACL tear with or without surgery and you feel like commenting I’d love to know the outcome and what you did to help them.

A few more of my little doodles. 🙂

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24 thoughts on “A Look Ahead, A Look Back, and A Look At Today

  1. I first have to say your watercolors are absolutely amazing! I especially love the Thank Ewe 😊 Bed Yoga is fantastic. I have a GSD. I completely get it, they are definitely our best friend. Im so sorry that happened. A great tip about the bag and one I will definitely remember. I hope he heals soon. Mine is 9 and at times she is slow getting up. Many blessings to you in 2019!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Lisa! There’s something really special about GSDs, but I could be a little biased.😁

      Totally unsolicited information here but the supplement Yumove totally helped my Kaiser. We order it on Amazon. I saw two ladies from the UK talking about it on IG one day and we decided to try it. Wow! It’s incredible the difference it’s made.

      All the best to you this year!🌸

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Aww Mishka, you’ve really been going through it. So sorry it’s been such a tough time. That must have been really upsetting with your dog/best friend. I do hope that he feels much better after lots of rest. Also sorry as always about the doctors appointments. I know what you mean about it taking a piece of you. It’s really traumatic – and so unnecessary. Wishing you a peaceful January and all the very best for the year ahead. It has to be a good one, right?! xx

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Wow, Mishka, it sounds like you’ve really been through a lot this last month. I hope all the tests give you results that you can work with to help you with your treatment protocol.

    I’m sorry to hear about your fur-baby. I hope he heals well. One of our guys tore his ACL, but it was his back leg. We weren’t even given the option of letting it heal without surgery, but I suspect that was because it was his back leg, which can be a little more problematic with an injury. He had the surgery and he’s getting along great now.

    As always, I love your watercolors! You are so talented!!!

    Wishing you all the best as we go into this new year – hope it’s your best yet! Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you, Terri! I’m sorry to hear you and your pup had to go through the ACL tear too, but glad to hear he’s well now. My Kaiser stood (instead of not eating or eating laid down) to eat his breakfast today so that’s a huge improvement. Fingers and toes crossed.

    Hoping just the same for you! 🌸

    Liked by 3 people

  5. My heart hurts for you and your sweetheart. Our older dog has slowed down considerably and every time she lies down for too long, I check on her. I can’t imagine seeing your pup unable to walk like that. So happy things are getting better.
    Know it’s hard but hang in there. I’ve let appointments slide with my doctors because I know there’s nothing they can do to help me right now. I have three different ones I really need to make appointments for but it just seems like a waste of time. With over an hour’s drive each way to each of those dr’s, just time I can’t ever get back into my life so I totally understand how you’ve been feeling.
    So cyber hugs to you. You’re doing great!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I enjoy your sweet little paintings, Mishka! I hope you get back to baseline soon, and good luck with disability. I have a few friends on disability, and they all were turned down multiple times until they finally hired a lawyer – then it went right through. Sorry to hear about your furry best friends. I lost mine last year and still miss her, but my heart warms with each memory. Actually, I wish the memories warmed my whole body – it is cold here! Take care! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Carol. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. ❤️ I had a lawyer and still no. At this point I’ll just keep applying. Maybe someone with a conscience will get my paperwork across their desk. Hoping it warms up for you!! ☀️ It’s been colder here too. Spring can’t come soon enough 😁🌸

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Having had been a Woolgrower in my life I love the Thank ewe watercolor Mishka! 😀
    Fur babies wrap their little (sometimes huge) paws around our hearts & when they’re sick it breaks our hearts…totally understand that one! ♥
    I’m glad you are getting out on occasions it is very healing for the soul 😀
    Blessings,
    Jennifer

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m sorry you’ve had such problems with filing for disability. In the UK, having worked with people that are ‘disadvantaged’ in some way and often including support with ill health benefits, it seems those that are scamming the system have very little problem doing so, whereas those who genuine need it struggle to get any help whatsoever. Things need to change, but how, or when, is another matter. My fingers are crossed for you and for a better decision outcome this time around, Mishka! It’s just another layer of hassle that you don’t need. You mentioned “trying to prove to people that you are ill”, and that’s something that’s hugely frustrating and disheartening with invisible illness, though a wheelchair makes it more visible. Can’t argue with that one quite so much, surely. Ignorance seems to know no bounds.

    I hope you get your appointment for your EEG results soon. I’m so sorry about your best friend (my dog, before he sadly had to be put down a few years ago) was mine also, and it’s heartbreaking to see them poorly or struggling. A tote bag for transport is an excellent idea! Snuggles with the furbabies and a focus on self-care seem like a good starting point for 2019.

    You have had a heck of a lot on your plate, yet you still rise above it and do what you can to live as well as you can. I really, truly do hope this year can be a little brighter (maybe a few less medical appointments too!) for you  ♥
    PS. Love the nemo doodle, so cute!
    Caz xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your compassion!🌸 It truly is disheartening to pay into a system for 30 years just in case you become disabled, and then you clearly do, and they refuse you. Something is very broken. And yes these layers of stress do add to the worsening of mine, and so many others, condition. Hoping that someday this will be but a shocking memory that people were ever treated so inhumanly with this illness.

      I’m sorry to hear about your loss. ❤️ It’s heart wrenching to lose the unconditional love of a fur baby.

      My Kaiser is hanging in there. I firmly believe that he’ll make a recovery, but he now has to sleep downstairs (no more stairs). Hoping to move soon to somewhere with no stairs.

      I’m sincerely hoping this year is going to be better for all of us and that it brings you your best baseline health and lots of heart warming memories.💕

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh trust me I was not the manpower on that one. He weighs 130. I just donated my tote bag. My SO did the lifting. Sadly he’s back down again today, no food, no getting up, won’t take his meds. ☹️ I’m hoping tomorrow is better for him. It’s heart wrenching.

      Yep, keep on keepin on💪

      Hoping you’re doing your absolute best in your journey as gramma Grace💕

      Liked by 1 person

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