Well, 2019, let’s do this! As I mentioned last week, my goals will basically be the same this year as last. Namely, continuing to do ‘bed yoga’ as my body will allow (even if that just means laying there and simply breathing with the guided audio), trying to practice mediation more regularly (this one is the biggest challenge as far as consistency), continuing to paint and blog, and lastly, but equally as important, continuing to not worry about proving my illness to anyone. That last one may sound weird, unless you’ve walked in the ‘invisible illness’ shoes, then it’ll make perfect sense.
Can I just say that trying to prove to people that you are ill, when you are the kind of person who has always tried to put your best foot forward is challenging at best? Last year I added a wheelchair to my life. It allowed me to go to doctor’s appointments I wouldn’t have stood an iota of a chance at keeping. It also allowed doctors to see me on some of my worst days, which ended up helping with not having to prove my ridiculously long list of symptoms to them. Additionally, it allowed me to get out of the house a couple of times and get some fresh air around actual people (yay!) when there’s no way that would have otherwise happened. So it’s been a great addition. The wheelchair is probably the most basic one made, bells and whistles it does not have 😊, but it has a seat and wheels and that’s all that’s needed right now. Someday I hope to buy a motorized one, but disability will need to come through for that to happen.
Speaking of disability, I’ve refiled for the honestly-I-don’t-even-know-how-many-times now. We shall see. All you can do is be honest, give them everything they ask and hope you get someone on the other side with an ounce of compassion. So far, every response received from that agency has been riddled with untruths, but that’s of no surprise because literally nearly everyone has that exact same experience. No matter what decision they come to, you can be sure there will be an upcoming post about it here.
December was filled with tests and doctor’s appointments for me. It was too much, too many. I’m still trying to get back to baseline. Nearly every test I had came back positive for something, well still waiting on EEG results appointment, but based on online chart it too showed something. These were a variety of specialist, so my body, just as I had suspected, is tired and it’s taking its toll in many directions. This year I plan to ramp up on my self-care even more to try to hold off anymore diagnoses as best as possible. I think I’m up to 10 or something now. I had only one (back in July of 2014) the day before I got sick with MECFS and that was fibromyalgia. Maybe I’m alone in this one, but I feel like so many of these appointments take a little piece of me that I won’t get back. It’s like being in a dysfunctional relationship but you must keep going back because you just must. And you know it. And you prepare for it. But they always say that one thing that gets you and leaves you twisting in the wind.
Just for the record, today’s blog was going to be a post with actual content or maybe provide new information on something you weren’t familiar with but then the following happened… Last Thursday night my best friend, my 10-year-old German Shepherd (If you’ve had a shepherd you won’t find it odd that I called him my best friend.), decided to race up the stairs. He doesn’t do this, ever, anymore, but he did. Friday he could barely walk, Saturday was the same, and Sunday too. Monday his front leg gave out, which honestly broke my heart into a million pieces. He was so scared, and I was scared, and we had no idea what to do so we just laid on the floor terrified.
Thank goodness for google as I happened upon a site that showed how to turn a tote bag into a harness to transport a large breed dog. Basically, you cut down the sides, wrap it around them and use the handles to carry them. We did this and were thankfully able to get him down the stairs. Last night since he can’t take the stairs at all right now I slept by his side on the couch. This morning we went to the vet. She suspects osteoarthritis (also my most recent diagnoses) and a torn ACL in his knee (no, no, no ☹). So, he, like me, was prescribed Gabapentin and an anti-inflammatory. We have spent the day resting, much like every day for me. A couple hours after he took the meds this morning, I saw his body relax, he stretched out and fell into a deep sleep. It was good to see him finally relax, actually it was great. She wants him to rest for at least two weeks before we make any decisions on the ACL. After much research online, it seems like the knee could heal around the tear so that’s what I’m hoping for. I know he’s 10, I know shepherds live 10-12 years but as I told you above he’s my best friend.
So that’s where I am today, that and my big orange tabby kitty (think Garfield) took my sleeping on the couch as an open invitation to cuddle throughout the night. Can I just say, it’s a good thing he’s single? He snores like a freight train and he’s a major bed hog!
Thank you for stopping in and taking a peak into my world. I think this is going to be a better year for so many of us, I really do. There’s always an element of ‘it is what you make it’, but hopefully it’ll be a little easier to make it a good one. If you’ve had a pet recover from an ACL tear with or without surgery and you feel like commenting I’d love to know the outcome and what you did to help them.
A few more of my little doodles. 🙂