According to social-media-appropriateness mentioning your pet repeatedly is frowned upon, unless the account is only for your pet, so this will be my final post about my sweet Kaiser.
If you’ve been following along you know Kaiser was very sick, and if we’re also connected on Instagram you know my sweet boy was taken by cancer on the 24th of January. I had four days to lay by his side, beg him to eat and drink, to take his medicine, to try to roll the ball with him, to tell him how good he was, how he’d done the best job ever at protecting our home, how much love he brought to each of us, how my heart was breaking in a million f*****g pieces and there wasn’t anything I could do stop the cancer (*Hemangiosarcoma). At one point the day before he passed, with the little energy he had, he leaned his head over and kissed (licked) my arm a couple times, my final kisses goodbye, treasured forever.
Grief is washing over and over and over me. I thought we’d have more time. My house feels less like a home. My arms feel empty. My Buddy is gone. It’s too quiet. It’s too still. Life feels incredibly unfair. I’m trying to take my days one moment at a time as I’ve learned from previous grieving of my family. Yesterday the wheelchair arrived from Joey’s Paw that I feverishly tried to find for him when I thought it was only his ACL. We will be shipping it off to another foundation, Gunnar’s Wheels, for donation to another furbaby in need, but I can’t help but think that in that box was a hope, a wish, that even if his ACL was torn that he would still be able to get out, to feel the wind, to smell the bushes, to do his favorite things. He would be okay, he would adapt, we’d figure it out, we still had so much time…
I’m having a difficult time getting to the point of this blog today. People have been incredibly kind and supportive on social media (my social life as I’m housebound), which has made a huge difference. To know you aren’t alone is always comforting, even when the very thing that makes you feel that way is heartbreaking. I’m incredibly appreciative to have had that in my life but it’s left me with the following thought… When you have a chronic illness and you spend every moment of every day around your pet, when they show you unconditional love, no matter if you were able to comb your hair, shower, or brush your teeth, when all they want is just to be near you when nobody else does, when they become your best friend because they’re there when nobody else is, and then you lose them, it’s a grief that breaks your heart into too many pieces. So please if you know of anyone who is homebound, or disabled, and they lose a pet may I be bossy and suggest you don’t ask if they’re going to get another, that’s like asking us if we are going to get another parent. I know you mean well, that’s why I’m providing the tip. There’s a relationship that forms between a chronically ill person and a pet that is hard to explain and hard to understand, just know it’s very special and losing it can be very traumatic.
Thank you for stopping in today, next week I’ll resume my chitter chatter of trying to adult while being chronically ill, but in all fairness, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do here. Hoping today has been kind to you, and if you’re in the Midwest area of the US, hoping you have a warm, safe, cozy home to bundle up in for the next few days. And below one more photo of my sweet boy having so much fun playing in the snow years ago in our back yard, and my little doodles as I try to relax my mind a little each day.
*Please if you have a German Shepherd, or other large breed dog, look in to getting them checked for Hemangiosarcoma, a very common, but aggressive cancer in Shepherds. We’d never heard of it, he had no symptoms until he collapsed, and it took his life two and a half weeks later.