Was it the mental preparations? Was it the list making? Was it the researching?
Was it the culmination of documents over at least a months’ time?
Was it the actual appointment?
Was it handing over some of the worst ways my body has failed me in the last five years of my life to a total stranger, a doctor, but still a stranger to me?
Should I have paid closer attention when the next morning I awoke with eyes that were swollen as if I’d cried myself to sleep, only I hadn’t, a wretched pressure type headache, and a mental haze that seemed more significant?
Was it two days later when, with the same absolute screaming headache, I forced myself to the dentist because I had cancelled last minute due to health reasons too many times?
Was it the new dentist, who did not have a gentle touch, or the piercing sounds of getting my teeth cleaned? Was it a warning sign when I left the dentist with multiple different types of headaches?
You see I thought I’ll just rest myself back to baseline, instead the next day was worse, the next day the same, and yesterday, in some ways, even worse.
To put it in perspective, I went to a doctor’s appointment a mile from my home and two days later I had my teeth cleaned. I have not been anywhere else. I have spent approximately 23 hours and 50 minutes of each day in bed with post exertional malaise, aside from the dentist, since last Wednesday with bouts of vertigo, and too many other symptoms to list. I haven’t been able to tolerate the movement on TV, it triggers my vestibular issues, i.e. vertigo. If you are thinking I’m complaining, it’s not my intention. My intention is to spread awareness of my experience with MECFS. I have better days where I can come on here and joke around, and make light of the situation, but I’m human, and I have these days too. Days where I just sit and wonder, what was it that I did to myself to end up here, trapped in this body, in this room, in this illness, and how do I never do it again…but still live my best life.
Thank you for stopping in today. Sorry for the Debbie downer post. If you like to laugh check this out – it’s today’s daily Brandon Farris video. If you don’t know who that is…check him out! If you pray or send good thoughts out or whatever you do, keep Australia in your thoughts. A few doodles.