Blogging Gloves

Do you ever find yourself pondering your next blog post, or to-do list, during sleepless nights? It’s a good way to pass the time, but I have to admit, unless I write those middle-of-the-night thoughts down, they are often lost to the daylight. Last week’s post, which had been written and rewritten, mentally, was going to be about how my partner has been working from home during the pandemic, and because of that he’s seeing first-hand the true toll that MECFS and its comorbidities are taking on me. He’s suggested repeatedly that maybe it’s time for me to hang up my blogging gloves, as it’s incredibly exhausting for me, but for some reason I feel it’s important to press on. Some might say I’m stubborn like that, other’s might too. 😉 If I start something, I’m finishing it, or going down trying.

Last week’s post ended up being about something totally different, so the above idea was shelved. Truthfully there just isn’t much more to say. My partner has been working from home since March and will be for at least the rest of the year. If you consider that I’ve been home alone all day every weekday for years, it’s clearly been an adjustment, for both of us. It’s shown him first-hand, in 24-hour chunks, my rises and falls, the stuff I used to kind of try to hide away (like changing out of jammies by five so he didn’t think I’d been in them all day). The mornings are really rough for me, but he was rarely around to see them as he’s a rise with the rooster’s kind of person, but now he sees it literally takes me hours from opening my eyes to having tea. Before I was ill we used to get up first thing on weekend mornings and go to breakfast to beat the rush, so this isn’t typical behavior for me. He’s also seen what happens if I have an early appointment and must rise and shine. Needless to say, it’s not at all shiny. I feel like a swamp monster, and it takes me days to recover. He’s also seen what zaps my energy, how fragile I actually am. He knew before but he’d never seen it as up close.

I’m a push myself until I crash kind of person. I really try not to be but sometimes I get so utterly frustrated (staring at the same four walls for years on end isn’t as glamorous as it sounds ;)), I do little things anyway. There are also those unavoidable things that happen, that have to be attended to immediately, like the time I dropped a full bottle of syrup on the floor and it shattered and syrup went everywhere, like evvverywhere, or last week when I shattered my glass water bottle (my hands are weak and my spatial awareness is off so I’m like a bull in a china shop). He’s not really one to run and jump to my aid (partly because I’m an I’ll do it myself kind of person), but lately I’ve seen a difference there. He did jump up as my water bottle crashed into a million tiny pieces, telling me not move as I was surrounded by glass shards. Because little things like that, unplanned exertions, they end up taking most of my energy for the day, and he’s starting to see that now. It’s NOT that he doesn’t care or wasn’t paying attention, it’s more that this illness is unbelievably pervasive and cruel, and you wouldn’t believe it unless you saw it firsthand. He knows I’ll push myself until I’m flat on my back for an indeterminant amount of time, and now he’s learning how to help me pace more efficiently.

Am I going to hang up my blogging gloves? No. My posts might be a little shorter from here on out, but I’m going to stick with it as long as I’m able. One of the things that keeps me going is that I would have LOVED if my mom had kept a blog so I could go back and read about her life, and so this blog, someday, a long, long time from now, will provide my son with a peak into my life, through my own words. He skims my posts now, but then they will likely be most important to him.

Thank you for popping by today! Hoping wherever you are in the world, today is treating you kindly. Take good care of yourself, and others (thank you for wearing a mask ~ from someone who is neuroimmune compromised). A few more doodles. 🌺

 

12 thoughts on “Blogging Gloves

  1. I want that cinnamon twist 😣

    This all makes so much sense to me. With limited energy, extremely at times, it’s just been beyond me to post like I used to. My corner of the world has gotten smaller, but stronger, through all this world chaos and the past year period has been the exact opposite of what i envisioned on all fronts. I don’t know what my future is on my WP page but the time, energy and heart for it are definitely not there anymore. Would just hurt to shut it down for good. ☹

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Blogging seems to ebb and flow, doesn’t it. There’s always something to say but the energy expenditure has to be so carefully calculated it’s hard to justify it at times. I’m sorry to hear your energy is low these days. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone. It’s life altering to say the least.

      Blogging does leave a footprint. If your children know how to locate it, it’d be neat for them to go back and look at it someday.

      Hoping all is well as can be with you. Your little buddy is a cutie, and surely brings happiness into everyday.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You know Mishka, I think sometimes our blogs take on a life of their own and become almost like ‘friends’ that we just can’t give up on, no matter how much time and energy they take. I think you have a great plan of working within your energy envelope, and if that means shorter blog posts, so be it. I think you’re right — when your son is older, your blog is probably going to be something that he treasures. As always, I love your artwork – you’re so talented! Blessings to you sweet friend!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. “Swamp monster”, that’s how I feel in the mornings now too (and I probably look like one). I imagine the time at home allows him to see what you deal with and how you really are at those times of day he wouldn’t normally have really seen, getting more of an appreciation for how relentless your symptoms are. I think it’s hard for others to really ‘get it’ when they don’t deal with whatever it is we do, and even then each individual’s experience is uniquely their own. Before, he could see the snapshots of what it’s like for you but then walk away to work and come back, rather than seeing it up close and over an extended period of time. I imagine it’s made him all the more aware of just how much of a rockstar you are to get up and do life each and every day.

    I’m sorry about the syrup bottle – typical it had to be something so sticky!

    I love that you’re stubborn, I think it’s a good quality because with chronic illness it’s often stubbornness and/or anger that can keep us going and push us to fight when we’re too exhausted. I’m very glad – in a totally selfish way – that you’re not going anywhere because the blogging world just wouldn’t be the same without you. That said, be kind to yourself, don’t push it too much, ease off any pressures to read posts and write content when you need to rest.

    Sending lots of love, Mishka.
    Caz xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Caz💖

      I totally agree. It’s that stubborn streak that propels some of us to ‘just keep swimming’. ME can’t take that from me, but it sure feels like it’s trying. There’s probably a lesson to be learned in there somewhere but it’s clearly not one I’m picking up on.😂 My therapist has noted (verbally) before that I’m just driven, if I say I’m doing something, I’m doing it. In my opinion life is to be consumed as fully as possible. It goes quickly and I still ask myself, what if today ends up being your last ‘best’ day…how would you have wanted to spend it. I’m rambling. Thank you again, just so you know I’m cheering for you over from my little corner of the world to win your nominations!! 🌸

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I had to laugh about taking off the pajamas at 5. I’ve always done the same, but while my husband was at home and we both wore pjs, I rarely bother anymore. In the end the whole thing made us closer and I miss him a lot when he’s at work. Glad he’s not that far off from retirement age! I hope it has the same effect for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I completely relate to having a million great ideas at night..but they seem to dissipate in the light of the morning sun! I wish I had the energy to write at night cos I’d be churning out great stuff 😉 Actually, at uni I used to keep a pencil and notepad by my bed. With my mind clear, essays just seemed to write themselves when I was trying to sleep!

    It’s really hard for people to understand unless they see us every hour of the day, isn’t it. Not for want of trying, it is just a pervasive and very difficult to understand illness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So you too, huh…I’ve grown to accept it, but sometimes I can’t help but think, gosh I’d be a much better writer if I could get that stuff down rather than what dribbles onto the page with the remaining remnants. 😂 Your writing is awesome though! I so enjoy reading your posts.

      Just wanted you to know I’ve been keeping your mom in my thoughts and wishes for the best possible outcome 🤍 Hoping today is as symptom free as humanly possible 💙

      Liked by 1 person

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